


If Only I Could Hold You

by captain_malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Marriage Proposal, Malec, Protective Magnus Bane, Racer Alec Lightwood, Racer Magnus Bane, Supportive Alec Lightwood, Supportive Magnus Bane, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:46:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23522527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_malec/pseuds/captain_malec
Summary: Inspired by Lewis Capaldi's "Bruises", Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane are both Formula One Drivers. Meeting at a summer camp when they were sixteen, they have spent the last seven years apart. Magnus in California and Alec in upstate New York. Now they're both racing in the big leagues, but will their feelings get in the way? And will their love be discovered? With a timeline to show past memories and future ones, this is the story of Alec and Magnus, and how they fell in love, despite overcoming the hardest of obstacles.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	1. Reaquainted Sunsets

March 15, 2020

As Alec made his way to the track, his nerves were just starting, he could feel the tightness in his belly, the rising heartbeat in his chest. This was his first race where he would be racing with the big boys. At twenty three years old, he finally would be racing in the Formula One Series. He had been racing since he was nine years old, working his way up the racing ladder. He hadn’t been back to this track since he was sixteen, where he joined a four week summer camp and that is where he first met Magnus Bane.

It was still dark outside, and he felt a slight breeze against his skin as he wrapped his arms around himself to keep warm. As Alec checked his watch it read, 6:53 AM. On race days, he made it a point to walk to the top of the opposite side of the start finish line to see the sun rise. It was a tradition he had made with Magnus.

As he was reminiscing about the past, he heard gentle footsteps behind him, gravel crunching.

“You remembered.” He heard the soft, soothing tone of Magnus’ voice in the early morning.

“You think I forgot?” Alec said teasingly as he cocked his head to the side.

“Of course not.” Magnus answered.

The night before, Magnus had sent Alec a text just before midnight.

11:58 P.M.  
Meet me before sunrise at our spot. 

That was all it said, but it was enough. As Magnus walked over to Alec’s side and sat next to him, he could feel his body melt to butter. This was the effect Alexander had on him. He could feel the space between them and he wanted to close that space with a kiss, but he waited.

As for Alec, all he wanted was to pull Magnus closer to him. Wrap his arm around his shoulder as they sat there in silence, not needing to say anything. But he waited.

Just inches apart, Alec broke the silence. “It’s good to see you. I, um… I missed you.” Alec's voice broke the silence as he looked at the ground.

"Hey, look at me." Magnus put one index finger to Alec's chin as he gently pushed upward.

Staring into Alec’s eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes that seemed to have their own galaxy the more you looked into them, Magnus swallowed. Taking a deep breath in and moving his eyes to Alec’s lips, he said, “I missed you, too.”

And before he knew, their lips were crashing against each other. With no one around, they were free to truly be themselves. Magnus brought his hands to Alec’s jawline, feeling the warmth of his tongue dancing along with Alexander’s. His hands quickly worked upward as he brought them to Alec’s soft, fluffy brown hair. They stayed there as Alexander and Magnus reacquainted themselves with each other.

After a few moments, they broke apart.

“Well, not much has changed in two years. You still kiss… like that.” Alec stated.

As Magnus cleared his throat, Alec put his arm around Magnus as he had wished just moments before. Both smiling to themselves and scooting closer so there was no space between them, they spent the next several minutes watching the sunrise. And honestly, what could be better?

“So your first pro race? How you feeling?” Magnus asked as they made their way back to the infield. 

“Honestly, I’m just trying not to throw up thinking about it.” Alec answered honestly.

Laughing, Magnus replied, “That’s completely natural. Trust me. Just keep racing like you’ve been doing in practice, and you’ll be just fine.”

“Even though technically you’re my competition?” Alec flirted. 

“You are… technically. But, all I want is for you to do amazing things. Which you already are.” Magnus said as he flirtatiously nudged Alec in the arm. 

“Thank you.” Alec said he let his fingers linger for just a few seconds on Magnus’ skin before he pulled away. “I better start getting ready. We got that racer meeting at 8:15… so, um… I’ll see you later?”

“You will.” Magnus smiled as he turned his head back to see Alec enter his camper.

The morning passed with meetings and interviews. The race started just after 12 PM so it was good that it was going by quickly because the sooner Alec got into that car and started that engine, the better he would feel. When he raced, all of his anxiety and nervousness melted away. Being in complete control of that car going two-hundred miles per hour, he could just feel his problems leave his head for a couple hours. It was his escape, and he was damn good at it.


	2. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to how Alec and Magnus first met...

June 25, 2013

As Alec’s step-dad Luke was driving him to his F1 Junior Summer Camp in upstate New York, he was sitting in the backseat, with his headphones in trying to relax before they would arrive. He had been driving almost half his life, starting at age nine just after his father had passed away. When his mother, Maryse, finally found love again in Luke, driving was one of the things they bonded over. A few months ago, Alec received the much anticipated invitation in the mail.

This camp was very prestigious, and his mom and Luke worked many long hours to get him in. Not many were invited, about thirty at the most. So it was a pretty big deal. Four weeks at a racing summer camp? What could be better?

After he arrived and said goodbye to his mom and Luke, he checked in and settled into his cabin. They had a campground just outside the track, within walking distance. He met his roommates, who he got along with right from the start. And as he laid down in bed later that night, he couldn’t help the butterflies in his stomach and his rising anxiety. He didn’t know it, but the next four weeks would alter his life in so many ways.

The first few days he attended classes and programs held by world class drivers. He had never driven a F1 car before, but this is what the camp was for, to show him all he needed to know. He made friends from all over the country, and one of those was Magnus Bane, who he met on the third day during lunch.

“Anyone sitting here?” Alec heard a young voice much like his own say to him.

“Yes, um, I mean, uh, no.” Alec stammered. He motioned for the young man to join him.

“Alright.” Magnus said with a smile. “I’m Magnus, it’s nice to meet you.” He extended his hand to Alec who shook it with his own clammy hand.

“Alexander. But most people just call me Alec.” He returned a smile. “Where are you from?” 

“California, actually. I’ve never been this far from home. And you?” Magnus asked.

“I live in New York City, so it’s just about a two hour drive.”

“That’s awesome.” Magnus smiled a little longer than necessary, which Alec returned. They spent the rest of the lunch hour together and all the days that followed. They were instant friends. Whenever they weren’t learning all they could about racing, they were together. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Every Tuesday and Saturday they had a free day where they would go swimming usually. There was a lake nearby.  
And this is where they shared their first kiss.

It was about two in the afternoon and they had gone off to a private part of the lake, which Alec knew well. He knew the feelings he had for Magnus were starting to change, they were becoming stronger. He never really felt normal. He never was interested in girls and his eyes always seemed to linger to other boys. He had a feeling Magnus felt the same, but he wasn’t sure. And he didn’t want to ruin this wonderful friendship by kissing him. But he also knew if he didn’t do it now he never would.

“It’s just over this hill.” Alec explained to Magnus as they were walking to this “private” part of the lake.

“You’ve been here before?”

“Yeah, my Dad used to bring me as a kid.” Magnus noted a hint of sadness in Alec’s voice.

Once they found the secret spot, they ran into the water. They both loved to swim. There was no one around and this was one of the reasons why Alec had brought Magnus here. A few hours later, Alec knew he couldn’t wait much more. They would have to head back soon.

As they sat by the edge of the water, watching the waves lap, Alec was all too aware of how close Magnus was to him. He could've chosen to sit father away from Alec, but he didn’t. They were close enough to touch. Magnus lightly put his arm around Alec’s shoulders.

“Well this was definitely a great day, Alec. Thanks for bringing me here. I’m glad we’ve become such good friends.”

“Yeah, me too.” Magnus’ arm was still draped over Alec and he was wondering if Magnus felt the same. When they first became friends, Alec felt a pull towards Magnus. Like, the universe had put them together on purpose. Like, they were meant to be friends and maybe even more. Both breathing heavily and overcome with what they were feeling, they stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like forever and then suddenly, without realizing what they were doing because it just seemed so natural, they kissed.

They reached for each other and found one another with their lips. Slow, soft, and yearning. 

“Well, I guess my secrets out.” Magnus, sighing, gently pressed his forehead to Alec’s.

“Your secret?” Alec stated after a few seconds. “But…” 

“Alexander, I like you. And I know you like me too. At first it was just easy. Simple. Comfortable. We became such good friends right from the start, and then suddenly we were more.” Magnus revealed.

“Yeah, I guess we are.” He leaned in one more time to get another sweet kiss. “We should probably head back. They’re gonna start wondering where we are.” Alec said.

“We should.”

As they stood up, Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand and whispered in his ear, “I like you, too.”

And with that, they made their way back to camp.


	3. Pretty Boy

July 9, 2013

Later that evening, Alec was lying in bed thinking about what had happened with Magnus. He still couldn’t believe that they had kissed and that Magnus felt the same. A feeling of happiness and contentment filled his veins. He saw his phone light up with a text.

Meet me outside your cabin in five minutes  
-Magnus

Alec pulled on a hoodie and his sneakers and headed outside. Curfew was about to begin but he didn’t care. He walked to the back of the cabin where no one would see him and leaned against it. And then he saw Magnus’ figure walking toward him. Alec, swallowed and breathed big breaths, trying to calm himself. Magnus made him nervous. But a “good” nervous at that.

Walking fast and without stopping, Magnus strode all the way to Alec until they met each other at the lips. He grabbed his face and kissed him passionately. Alec brought his hands to Magnus’ waist and pulled him closer, hearing a moan escaping from Magnus’ lips. Their tongues were wet and warm against each other. Under the moonlight, their kissing soon turned slow and soft and gentle.

“Wow, you kiss… like that.” Alec announced. Magnus moved his hands to wipe a strand of hair that was in Alec’s eyes.

“You’re not bad yourself.”

“Well, I mean you’re the only person I’ve kissed, so you’re kinda biased.” Alec jokingly answered.

“I’ll take it.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “I um, I just wanna be with you… We should get some sleep though. We gotta be up early for classes tomorrow.”

And with that, they spent a few more minutes kissing and finally went their separate ways into their cabins.

The next two days, they both found it hard to concentrate on anything besides each other. Magnus kept sending Alec texts that weren’t deemed very appropriate for class with their racing coaches. They stole kisses walking to their racing lessons when no one was looking. Their hands would lightly brush against each other in the lunch line.

Two weeks into the camp, they did a fireworks celebration. They were scheduled to do it on July 4th, but it had been raining so they planned it for the next weekend. There was a big barbecue, multiple bonfires, music playing. It was really a great night with all of these guys just like Alec who enjoyed the same thing he did. Racing. He never thought he would drive F1, but here he was. Loving every minute of it. He knew what an amazing opportunity this was, and it was his dream coming true. Meeting Magnus was just an added bonus.

As Alec and Magnus were sitting around the campfire, talking with their friends, with legs touching, they often would glance at each other with such a fierce look in their eyes, that they had to look away. Could life really be like this? Alec thought to himself. Could he really be out and public with Magnus and it be okay? Without any repercussions? The world was a scary place but meeting Magnus made it feel a little bit safer. 

They continued hanging out every night. To everyone’s belief, they were just really good friends that got along quite well. I mean in their eyes, there was never anything romantic going on. They were quite experienced at sneaking around. The last day of camp there was to be a race featuring all the students. Their families would be there and the winner would receive a summer internship at Idris Racing.

Alec and Magnus were head to head with one lap to go.

And as they came toward the finish line, seeing Alec just a couple inches behind him, Magnus knew he had the race won as he sped right on through. Alec was so close, but at that moment, there was no one else he wanted to win besides Magnus. As he came into the pits, the first person Magnus found was Alexander. Leaning against his car with a smug smile on his face.

“What are you smiling at? You do know you lost, pretty boy?” Magnus said as he unbuttoned the top of his racing suit, feeling the sweat roll down the back of his neck.

“What, I can’t be happy for you?” Alec congratulated him in a sweet embrace. But to anyone else, it was just two friends being happy for each other. Whispering in his ear, “Congratulations, Magnus. If I could kiss you right now I would.” Alec revealed.

As they broke apart, Magnus smiled in thanks.

A few hours later, everyone was saying their goodbyes. Magnus came to Alec’s cabin, where they were alone. His three other roommates had already left.

“Well… I guess this is goodbye.” Alec, startled, turned around to see Magnus leaning against the doorway.

“Hey, you. And it doesn’t have to be. I mean, not really. Not unless you want it to.” 

“You know I don’t want it to.” Magnus softly whispered, with a hint of heartache in his voice.

Alec turned toward Magnus and wrapped his arms around him. And they stayed like that for several minutes. He took in the smell of his skin, the texture of his fluffy black hair. The sound of his voice and how it slightly made him get goosebumps. 

As they let each other go, Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand, squeezed it, and kissed him ever so gently on the cheek. 

“I’ll see you later, pretty boy.”

“You got it.”


End file.
